Riding my Bike

Tonight I just got home from a 43 mile bike ride. I started with the intent of just riding 30 miles but as I was riding I just started thinking about stuff and I just kept on riding. I started at about 1700hrs and returned home at about 2000hrs respectively. When I got home I felt like passing out or throwing up but I did neither. I just soaked in the tub and took a shower.
As I was riding I was so over come with grieve that I just could not stand it and although I was exhausted I pedaled harder tell my legs started to cramp but I just kept going. All I really wanted was to see my sweetheart, Lorena.
Earlier this week Wednesday to be precise my battalion conducted a change of command ceremony. That was one of the most depressing days that I have had in a long time. All I could think of was my change of command about a year ago when my sweetheart was in the hospital. Later that day I found myself talking with the Lord while looking at a picture of him kneeling in the Garden of Gethsemane praying to Father, and I found myself asking why my Lorena had to go through so much pain and why did she have to die.
I know the Plan of Salvation and I know that this life is a test and that if we endure the pains and trials of this life walking in obedience to the commandments of the GOD following the example of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ then all will be well and the blessing of eternity will be ours but it is so painful to walk this road without my sweetheart. I miss her.
Last week I went to see her grave. I just just set and talked with her and expressed my love for her and how much I missed her.

Thanks to Winns for checking my mail while I was gone for the last three or so weeks. I had gone to San Antonio, Texas for some training and then I went to Utah to see Lorena's grave. Also thanks to Ruby who watch my dog, Rocky. I have been dating Ruby for the last 4 months. She is the one who listens to me and cheers me up when I'm feeling down. She also goes on hikes and kayak trips with me.

In a previous entry I asked for help in raising money for an event to help Soldiers suffering from PTSD and I would like to just ask again to help me by sponsoring me in this event.
It is a 200 mile bike ride from Tampa Bay to Jacksonville Florida. It is called Ride2Recovery. The website is www.ride2recovery.com. click sponsor a rider and type in my name Johnny Wilson and make a donation. I'm doing the ride because I like biking and I'm a stessed out soldier trying to deal with the trama of looseing my sweetheart to cancer. So, please help me and sponsor me with a $25 or more donation.
Thanks

Johnny Wilson

Ride 2 Recovery

This July I discovered this ride called ride2recovery that will be happening this Dec. I signed up because I like to ride, however the other reason is the propose of the program is raise money in conjunction with VA to help wounded warriors in their recovery process. Lots of our Soldiers suffer from stress that is directly related combat action and as I have discovered biking is very therapeutic. In the last few months I've been under lots of stress as well and biking along with other types of exercise has really helped me deal with and work through a lot of my problems. I would greatly appreciate any support and please spread the word. Below I have given a brief description of the ride and how to sponsor me. There is more information at the website.

The starts Tampa Bay and ends in Jacksonville, FL. It is 200+ miles. It is the 3^rd week of Dec. It is called the Ride2Recovery. The propose is to support wounded soldiers in their recovery process. My goal is to raise $7,000 for the cause and I am asking for your support. Please go to www.ride2recovery.com , click on “sponsor a rider”, type in my name and make a donation. Thanks from your insane friend,

Johnny Wilson

www.ride2recovery.com

Source: www.ride2recovery.com

Thoughts

It has been quit a while since I last wrote anything in this blog. I just did not have anything to write. One of the greatest sources of joy in my live had been taken from me. And most of the time I just think about the past and wonder what could have been done different and would it have changed anything. But these matters are best left in the hands of the our kind wise Father in Heaven.
I posted the below thought a few weeks ago on my facebook page, but I would like to share my thoughts with a wider group.

A few weeks ago I was reading a book titled "Men of Influence" by Robert Millet, and in the section that I was reading the author was talking about giving a blessing to a baby that terminal, the father had asked him to administer to the infant because he thought that he was to emotionally close to the situation. This reading caused me to reflected on a conversation that I had with my uncle a few days after I buried Lorena. He told me about when his wife, my aunt became ill and had to be air-evacuated to a hospital in Provo, UT. Before that he gave her blessing stating that she would okay or something close to that but she died. I said to him that at times we are so close to the person emotionally that our desire for them to be restored to health is stronger then any other influence. We are just to close and our emotions rule. I gave Lorena a blessing before her last surgery and I confident that all would go well and she would live a long and happy live. That we would be able to grow old and gray together.
An hour or so after her surgery began one of the surgeons came to talk with me and me world shattered. I learned that she would not be made whole and that the cancer that everybody thought was gone was back and she only had three to six months to live.
For the longest time I wondered why the Lord did not communicate this to me. The only thing that I can come up with is that I don't know other then the fact that I wanted her to live so badly that it over shadowed everything else. I was to close emotionally.

Reflection

I would like to thank all of you that have left comments on my last entry. They have raised my spirits. Last night when Jess Winn dropped me off and I had to come into home it felt so lonely and empty. I set and cried for while then I came across a song call "The Test" by Janice Kapp Perry. The words of the song reminded me of the purpose of this life and that this life is in fact a test and this is my test. The next day (today in fact) I walked around my house looking at all of the pictures of Lorena and me remembering the our life we had together and how wonderful it was. I miss Lorena horribly but I know that this separation will only be a sort time and then we will be together again and this brings me happiness and there is the magic. The answer to my lament in the my last entry.

About a week before Lorena passed away I walked into the bedroom and discovered this quite little scene. Both my mother and Lorena were fast asleep and I could not resist taking this photo.

14 May 2009

As I set hear trying to start this entry I find that I am at a lose for word. When my Lorena started this blog she put at the top of it the lyrics to a song "Got to believe in magic", and as I struggle to write I'm thinking to myself, "where is the magic"? On the fifth of May my sweetheart, Lorena, pass away after a long drawn out battle with gastric cancer. When she died part of me died and when I buried her yesterday, 13 May 2009, part of me was buried with her. Life to me at this present time seems so empty without Lorena. She made my life so wonderful and I can't believe that she is not here with me. So, I ask here is the magic?
I guess the magic is in having been able to share my life with such a wonderful woman like Lorena and in knowing GOD's plan of happiness. I can't write any more at this time because everything is to fresh and painful for me.
More to follow...

My thoughts and feelings about live and some of happenings in our lives.

28 March 2009
This is Johnny Wilson, I'm here in my house with my wife Lorena. She is laying in the bed. It is a rainy Saturday Afternoon. In fact it has been raining all day and there has not been any sunshine from morning 'til the present time. There is a river running through my back yard and my dog will at times go outside and run through the water and then come into the house. At the dog's point of entry I have to ambush him with a towel, wrestle him to the ground and remove all water and mud from him before goes racing through out the house in his never ending search for adventure.


10 April 2009
I started this entry about a week ago and everything has come full circle. It is again raining and and there is once again a raging river in our backyard. I just waiting for the wind to gush down and in a fit of anger destroy my shed like a twister in a trailer park.
It is now Friday evening the 10th of April. Lorena is fast asleep and I'm setting up writing this blog thinking about our life and the resent happenings in our lives, most recently Lorena's sister Ginggnig has come from the Philippines to with her 18 month old son JB, to see her.

Just a few week prior we had friends come down from Indiana. Joe and Brenda Bunkert, Brenda's Mom Hedi and thier two kids Natasha, Joe Jr.. Brenda is a Filippina from Escalante, Negros Oriental, Philippines. Lorena just explained to me the origins of their relationship, but I was just to slow to understand the complexities of what she told me. But suffice it say they are friends and they are both from the Island of Negros in the Philippines, and they did in very fact come from Indiana to visit us and we enjoyed their company and they left to soon.

The week before before that our friends Ken (aka Chuck Norris) and Donna and their little girl Phebe Jade came to see us. It was great to have them here. Lorena was able to talk about old times back in the Philippines when she was a young lady about the age of 18 or 19 work for an Indian couple there. Before I met Ken and Donna, Lorena would always about how this guy that looked like Chuck Norris taught her how to ride a bike. I finally got to meet them in May of 2006 just before I left for Iraq and Lorena had a wonderful reunion after some twenty years. They live on lake Cayuga in the Finger Lakes Area. They are great people. I loved having them in our home and to be able to see the love that they have for me sweetheart. (I don't remember the name of the place that Lorena lived in the Luzon were she first knew Ken and Donna. I usually get the information from Lorena but she is fast a sleep and I don't want to wake her. So, Donna if you could provide me with the information I would appreciate it.)

18 April 2009

This has been a long entry time wise and I'm back setting in my chair beside my sweetheart as she sleeps and I'm wondering how much longer I get to have her here with me. A few weeks ago I bought the our cemetery plots and I was so depressed, because my sweetheart is going to be taken away from me. Every day she gets weaker just standing up and walking to the next room takes every bit of energy that she has and it wipes her out for the rest of the day. But despite her fragile condition her faith is strong and she continues to be an inspiration to me. I said that I get depressed that my sweetheart, Lorena, is being taken from me but I know that if I am faithful and endure to the end she will not be taken from me, rather we will only be separated for a sort time and then when it is time for me to leave this mortal existance we will be together again for time and all eternaity.
"And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and everlasting covenant, and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the keys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them—Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths—then shall it be written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, that he shall commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their exaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever.

Then shall they be gods, because they have no end; therefore shall they be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue; then shall they be above all, because all things are subject unto them. Then shall they be gods, because they have all power, and the angels are subject unto them (Doctrine and Covenants 132:19-20).

What a beautiful day. Lorena and I are setting here in our living room looking out the window on a stunningly wonderful Sunday afternoon. It is a glorious day to be here on earth. Everyday that we have is a precious gift from GOD.

We came home from the hospital February 16, 2009. Since coming we have had some rough times and we have had some supremely wonderful times here in our home. On Saturday February 21 our stake president, President MacArthur and Elder John B. Dickson of the First Quorum of the Seventy came to our home to visit us. Elder Dickson was the visiting General Authority at our Stake Conference. It was a wonderful experience to have two of the LORD's servants come into our home and talk with us and to leave a blessing on our home.

And later that day our home was invaded by some northern aggressors, North Carolina that is. Our friends Sean and Lingling and their two kids Jannelle and Kyle came down from North Carolina and spent the day with us. Me and Rocky had a grand old time torturing those kids.












On the first of March Johnny was promoted from captain to the rank of major.