Thoughts

It has been quit a while since I last wrote anything in this blog. I just did not have anything to write. One of the greatest sources of joy in my live had been taken from me. And most of the time I just think about the past and wonder what could have been done different and would it have changed anything. But these matters are best left in the hands of the our kind wise Father in Heaven.
I posted the below thought a few weeks ago on my facebook page, but I would like to share my thoughts with a wider group.

A few weeks ago I was reading a book titled "Men of Influence" by Robert Millet, and in the section that I was reading the author was talking about giving a blessing to a baby that terminal, the father had asked him to administer to the infant because he thought that he was to emotionally close to the situation. This reading caused me to reflected on a conversation that I had with my uncle a few days after I buried Lorena. He told me about when his wife, my aunt became ill and had to be air-evacuated to a hospital in Provo, UT. Before that he gave her blessing stating that she would okay or something close to that but she died. I said to him that at times we are so close to the person emotionally that our desire for them to be restored to health is stronger then any other influence. We are just to close and our emotions rule. I gave Lorena a blessing before her last surgery and I confident that all would go well and she would live a long and happy live. That we would be able to grow old and gray together.
An hour or so after her surgery began one of the surgeons came to talk with me and me world shattered. I learned that she would not be made whole and that the cancer that everybody thought was gone was back and she only had three to six months to live.
For the longest time I wondered why the Lord did not communicate this to me. The only thing that I can come up with is that I don't know other then the fact that I wanted her to live so badly that it over shadowed everything else. I was to close emotionally.